Friday, August 20, 2010

Shit - Scope and importance

What I am writing now is simply in public interest and is not at all intellectual stuff ( nothing I write is actually intellectual ;) )

I often find my facebook friends raising concerns about me speaking about "shit" most of the time (Remainder is WTF messages) Whenever they see my status message, their laptop stinks of shit and my profile seems like a septic tank :) My status message seems more like a toxicology report most of the time.

But, today I want to put my 'shit'ty thoughts together and take shit to a whole new dimension.

Just in case you want to realize the value of shit, try not shitting for 2 days. Your brain, heart, limbs and everything else stops functioning. The asshole is the boss :) ( I'm not saying that the boss is an asshole always. Don't get me wrong for heaven's sake)

Talk to a person suffering from piles. He/she will tell you how important shit is & how important a perfect asshole is. On the flip side is a person suffering from dysentery, just too much of shit. Its very important to have the perfect volume of shit in your life. Nothing more, nothing less.

If you are pissed off with your job and you feel that you are doing shit, just think about the millions of people who are ready to clean similar shit and do not get any opportunities. Shit is inevitable and you need to be happy cleaning shit sometimes.

Its an old management lesson - Not everyone who puts you in shit is your enemy and not everyone who takes you out of shit is your friend. You all must have realized it at some juncture in your lives.

Just try categorizing shit in the broad categories below. Trust me life would be much simpler:
-> Controllable and uncontrollable shit - Controllable makes you feel more shitty.

-> High frequency low severity shit (HFLSS) & Low frequency high severity shit (LFHSS is most dangerous)

-> Maddening and normal shit

-> Multiple level ( like Inception) and single level shit

-> Incoming and outgoing shit ( Simple - If you get shit, you are forced to give shit)

-> In order of priority - already stinking , about to stink, will stink and impact others

-> How bad will it stink?

-> Other types which would be close to the above categories

Most important truth which no one can run away from is - You can take shit out of life, but cannot take life out of shit. Shit also then has a feel good factor.

Happy shitting.. ( Oops.. I meant reading..)


Thursday, August 5, 2010

Want or haunt??

You wanted knowledge, so you went to college
But if you wanted money, why did you join this company??

You pursue a career, and you're not here for just a job
But your stabbed from the rear and what you can do is only sob!!

You are asked to think long term,
but sadly you are treated like a germ

Your employer says your the best and an achiever
forget about some rest, you don't even get a breather

You work on columns and work on rows,
But you career never ever grows

You expect a decent hike,
But with that you can't even buy a 2nd hand bike

You want to pay your EMI,
so every month you think where am I?

You need a job change,
but think where will you get a higher range

You start to assume,
wish I had a better resume

You always feel the urge
and then the search begins to surge

Try hard to get what you want
Or these thoughts shall always haunt

So many things to say,
wish everything would go my way

Hence, you have fun and keep up the slog
I shall now and then pen a blog


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Movies during performance review season

Upcoming movies especially during performance review ( read screw) season:

All these movies will be starring you manager, you and HR in guest appearance

Cause :
-> I know what you did ( not do) last summer - You turn from a silent spectator victim to an erupting volcano

-> Hike and Pay- Your manager and you discuss (You don't discuss, you plead and then crib)

-> (Ex)ception - Your manager tries doing a 'favour' on you only to retain you ( who will clean the shit otherwise?)

-> 'Resign'eeti - When you are planning to resign

-> Hum paper daal chuke sanam -> Your plan is successfully executed

Next three are self explanatory:
-> Bakwaas Company

-> All Idiots

-> Angels and demons ( you don't even need to figure out who is the demon here)

Then during notice period:
-> Employee tum kab jaoge??

-> Once Upon a Time in "the company"

Songs in all these movies:
-> All is (in) well.... arey bhaiiyaa all in well....
-> Yedaaaa hone lagaaa huuuu....

I'm sure there would be 'n' no. of movies with the underlying meaning deep within.

Happy are those who are merely audience. Unfortunately ( why this word? every employee thinks he is unfortunate) most humanoids here are lead actors.

Jaago employee jaago!!