Thursday, September 30, 2010

Win-win Verdict

This one is not going to have moderate views. Readers will be extremely pissed off, or will take this idea too seriously. I am a man for the extremes :)

I agree that air is everywhere, but still you need a fan to feel it. So, you might need a place of worship. But kindly note: God is extremely busy and too big to fit into one religion, so he has delegated his presence in all creation. God has created man in his own image and likeness (Women, I mean human beings. No gender bias here)

I’m sure you have thought about this earlier. Today will be the announcement made of a long standing ruling. The ruling is definitely not going to be a win-win situation.But, I want to make it one.

I have a proposal. Why not build a bar or pub instead? People will unite, irrespective of caste, creed, religion, gender, monetary status, marital status or bowel movements. Everyone will be chanting “ Cheers!!!”. (Please note : I am available to support this noble cause after 20 days from today. Bhagwan ka diya hua , except paisa sab kuch hai hamare paas)

gurur ruma
gurur vodka
gurur whisky
gurur shakshat peg bhramha
tatsmaye shree beer e namah

If you find this too extravagant
– why not a school / college ? Students can be educated irrespective of their religious background
– why not a hospital ? Ailments are better than humanoids, they do not have affinity towards a religious clan
- Or why not simply a giant size mall? Everyone will shop, eat and celebrate together. ( Central Mall, I’m not campaigning for you, but you can still pay me royalty)

I hope the judiciary is reading this blog, if not.. its your moral responsibility to cascade it. Let’s work together to uproot and dump the differences as we are here to make a difference.

Jeene ke 3 hi tareeke hain:
1)Jo ho raha hai use hone do.. sehte raho
2)Usse badalne ki zimmedaari uthao
3)Usse badalne ki zimmedaari delegate karo, WTF.

Happy Verdict

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


When hired -> Wowww

When review cycle is missed due to date of joining -> Ok no problem, I'l make up for it next year

In the interim -> Lets work, do something different, innovate, build credibility, make a mark, be proactive, be super productive, work super hard, work really smart (mind you - employee's manager doesn't think so)and all other sorts of illusion.

When review cycle finally arrives -> WTF?? This needs no explanation

Looking for new job - > OK. Few days more. Lets pull along. Lets keep the search strong.

Finding a job, but not the right one -> That's fine. I'l get there soon. The earlier interesting work seems monotonous ( actually 'shitty' is the word)

Found a job / Finally resigning -> Wowww.. Fantabulous. Have never felt so relieved before. Let's get out of this place asap.

Notice period extended -> Oh nooooo.. Jaane nahiiiiii.... denge mujheeee.... jaane mujheeee.. denge nahi..... I hate gyaan stories from my manager.

Notice period further extended -> WTF??? Let me show them what I can do, they will never hold on to anyone for so long. Here comes the "Whose Father What goes" (किसके बाप का क्या जाता?) attitude. ( Sorry dear English, I couldn't find a better translation for this ultimate truth)

Moral of the Story : Life cycle summary of employment is mostly W3 (not world wide web) Its Whose Father, What goes, WTF

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Its my / EMI ? Life...

Finally some serious stuff:

Life cycle of an Indian employee:
Start earning ->
Spend,spend,spend ->
1-2 years down the line, salary significantly increases and then think now what do I do with the money? ->
Take a housing loan, buy a 2/3 BHK and spend nearly 2/3 of the salary on EMI ->
Then think, this EMI takes up most of my salary, why not I pay off this loan soon ->
Work hard for more bonus / variable pay ->
Partly repay the loan ->
EMI is reduced, so why not invest in one more flat?

No regrets whatsoever if you have done all of this effortlessly. But, the extra flat is definitely worth the extra slog and sacrifices. What is the point if you want to save rent and pay EMI, if in the bargain, you travel for 2 hrs extra after a 12-14 hr long day of work?? Dude, your health and free time is all 'spent'.

A profound thinker once said " Life is like a prepaid card with limited validity. Use it before it lapses". That profound thinker was not me :) It was Chetan Bhagat ( I don't steal away credit)

What is the point if you have an extra 3 BHK, but have spent your entire life working hard for it and have lost out on all the good times.

What are you finally slogging it out for? Those materialistic pleasures? Trust me, if you think in those lines. You will even think, now how do I spend the rent which I get from the 2nd flat? One more EMI? You will not have an option of spending, as you do not have the time to enjoy. Over these years, you have lost touch with your close friends and family. In short, wasted the precious golden years of your life. What is the point if you think what will I have for dinner, while having breakfast:)

Learn to spend money, trust me you will learn how to earn it.

Don't work for money, let the money work for you.

I don't want to live the EMI life. I'm happy with 1 house. I choose to "live". And you??

Cheers !!

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Once upon a time in ......

This will not make sense at all to those who have not seen " Once upon a time in Mumbai". I cannot vouch for whether the movie is a true story, but what I can guarantee is that the dialogues apply to real life, especially at the place of work.I in fact already expressed all of what I am writing below.

- When you screw up in some work, just say - "Sher se hal chaloge to kisaan to marega hi"

- When your colleagues ask you, where have you been, just say - "Jab work from home se kaam ho, to paid leave kyo khatam karein"

- When you manager says, "tum nahi sudhroge" - say "ye umar sudharne ki nahi , bigadne ki hai, abhi to mai poori tarah se bidga bhi nahi"

- Kal( tomorrow) ka kaam aaj pe daalunga, to aaj bura maan jaega ;)

- I bet everyone's personal favourite will be - Mai har kaam paise ke liye nahi karta ( The truth is " jitna bhi aur jo bhi kaam karo, paisa kaun de raha hai")

There are so many more, which I haven't yet expressed in office :

- Zindagi ho toh manager jaisi, saare reportees raakh ki tarah neeche, aur wo dhuen ke taarah upar

- Hike batayi nahi, dikhaayi jaati hai ( payslip and bank account me)

- Jinki manzil( job switch) ek hai woh raaste ( interview )par hi milte hai interview me ;) )

- har employee ki kismat main accha employer nahin hota, kuch meri company main bhi milte hain ;)

- bus, appraisal mei yaad rakhna

- Tasveer kheench ke apni cubicle mein laga le, Kabhi zaroorat padhe, to donon mein se ek manager chun lena

- Itne saal mein kabhi tune hike nahin maanga, aur aaj tera manager badal gaya

There are definitely so many which I do not recollect right now.

Blog accha ho ya bura, badalta zaroor hai...:)


Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Survival of "the" employee

An employee is a specie engaged in a particular activity for earning a livelihood, but is hardly living (only surviving)

As an employee, he is supposed to be an expert on the subject he is dealing with. With his deep knowledge in the subject, he should able to help other people to find a solution for their problems, but who will understand or even bother about his problems??

An employee earns his daily bread (without the butter) not only from his knowledge, but also through hard work and number of years of experience. No option, but to slog like a donkey and needless to say, donkeys are not idolised.

Professionalism and loyalty must reflect in his words and deeds. Because hardly anything reflects in the bank account

A seasoned employee should try very hard to stick to his commitments and will be honest always. These virtues will help an employee to gain confidence of his clients and employer. Because that is the only thing you gain (refer comment above)

Once an employee gets his reputation, he is established in his line of activity. A dedicated employee works for satisfaction and not merely for money. Because by now he knows that money anyway will not come

An employee learns from his mistakes and utilizes them to bring more perfection to his work or services. Even if he chooses not to, he is reminded by his employer